


Enough

by Moriartied



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bathtubs, Body Dysphoria, Closeted Character, Comfort, Confessions, Cuddling, Emotional, Feelings, Gender Issues, Gender non-conformity, Happy Ending, Insecurity, Kissing, M/M, Mention of eating disorder, Mutual Pining, Soft San too tbh, Soft Wooyoung, mention of self-harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-17 23:09:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21851188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moriartied/pseuds/Moriartied
Summary: Wooyoung has body issues that only San really knows about and can help with. Wooyoung has another issue that San definitely cannot know about. Little does he know that San has issues of his own, and can relate better than Wooyoung thinks he can.
Relationships: Choi San/Jung Wooyoung
Comments: 2
Kudos: 213





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the unorganized uploading of this jkhgdkh it's all done now sooo if you already read the first 2 parts, I hope you come back for the epilogue! And if you're here for the first time, pls ignore the fact that I am a mess. I hope you like the story~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took a break from the SuperM series to write this lil thing that's been stuck in my head for a minute. Part 2 coming shortly.

Wooyoung looked at his reflection in the full length mirror. He ran his fingers through his silver hair, straightening his bangs and tucking a longer bit behind his ear. He delicately adjusted the jeweled earrings that dangled from his lobes, watching the way his nail polish sparkled in the light as he did. His slender wrists were adorned with soft lilac colored leather cuffs, which were exposed by the pushed up sleeves of his hoodie. The hoodie itself was a pastel tye-dye, and had slipped off one of his shoulders, revealing the thin crop top underneath. His pants were skin tight and low-rise, showing off his flat stomach and defined hipbones. 

He loved his clothes, and his jewelry, and his makeup. He just… hated himself. He hated his flat hips and his big hands and his body hair, faint even as it was. He hated his knobby knees and his broad shoulders and square jaw. And he hated his fucking feet. 

He chewed on his thumb nail, staring at his big eyes, outlined in smudged black liner, with shimmery pink shadow. He took a shaky breath, closing his eyes and then opening them again as he exhaled. He knew, objectively, that he didn’t look bad. He just… didn’t look like himself. Or what his brain was telling him he was supposed to look like. 

A knock at the door wrenched him out of his thoughts. He took a few steps towards the door and called out cautiously, “Who is it?”

“It’s me,” came the response, and Wooyoung relaxed slightly. It was San. He didn’t have to change.

He opened the door slowly, keeping himself hidden behind it in case there was anyone else in the hallway. The taller boy was watching him with slightly furrowed brows.

“Everything okay?” he asked as he stepped into the room. 

Wooyoung shut and locked the door behind him before nodding. “I’m fine,” he murmured.

San smiled softly. “That’s good.” He let his eyes roam over Wooyoung now that he could fully see him. “You look so cute.”

Wooyoung looked down, biting his lip. San was always so sweet to him. Sometimes he almost believed him.

San stepped forward, lifting his hand to Wooyoung’s chin to tilt his face up. “Hey. I mean it.” He said, thumb stroking Wooyoung’s cheek.

Wooyoung forced a small smile. 

“Thanks,” he murmured quietly. 

San’s lips tugged into a frown, concern written all over his expressive face.

“Baby,” he murmured, lifting his hand to run though Wooyoung’s hair. “You’re beautiful.”

Wooyoung shook his head, his eyes burning. He squeezed his eyes shut to fight back the tears that threatened to well up. 

San immediately pulled him into a tight hug. “You’re the prettiest boy in the world,” he whispered fiercely. “And you’re gonna find someone someday who appreciates you the way you deserve. You’re gonna be loved and cherished and taken care of. I promise.”

Wooyoung nodded, because he really did appreciate San’s words. But they didn’t help. Because San didn’t know. He didn’t know that what Wooyoung wanted more than anything in the world… was  _ him.  _

  
And he could never know. Because that rejection would actually kill him. 

So Wooyoung just buried his face in San’s chest and let the older boy comfort him. He clung to him both physically and emotionally, and tried to convince himself that this was enough. 

\--

It would probably come as no surprise to anyone that San’s carefree class clown act was just a facade, though he had managed to keep that fact hidden from his groupmates. They thought he was really just happy all the time and full of boundless energy. They didn’t know how full to the brim of insecurities he was, or how he was constantly questioning his place in the group. And there were plenty of other secrets they didn’t know either. 

Wooyoung and Mingi were the two he was closest to within the group, but even they didn’t know half of it. San couldn’t talk to Mingi, because he really was just as much of a fluffball as he appeared, and he couldn’t talk to Wooyoung because… well, Wooyoung was part of the problem. 

Not Wooyoung himself, of course. There was absolutely nothing wrong with him. He as an absolute angel who deserved the entire world. No, San’s problem wasn’t Wooyoung, it was his feelings about Wooyoung. Or rather, his feelings  _ for _ Wooyoung.

San had known he’d liked boys for most of his life. He’d managed to suppress it for years. He’d dated girls and convinced himself over and over that he felt something for them. He’d tried to deny his attraction to any of the males in his life, and had honestly been doing a pretty good job, until Wooyoung.

Wooyoung was undeniably attractive, but it was more than that. Something about him just tugged at San’s heartstrings, his natural instinct to protect and comfort. He wanted to take care of Wooyoung. He wanted to make sure he was happy at all times, and that he knew how much he was worth. San wanted to cuddle him, and kiss him, and tell him how pretty he was, over and over until he finally believed it.

But he couldn’t. Because that would mean admitting that he was gay. And that would make him vulnerable. And he’d worked his entire life to not be vulnerable in any way. He couldn’t throw it all away over a crush. Especially one that he knew wasn’t reciprocated. 

So he just tried to be the best friend that he could to Wooyoung, and be there for him whenever he needed it, while keeping his own needs tightly sealed to his chest. Which was difficult on a good day, and infinitely harder when Wooyoung was curled up in his arms, trembling and breathing shallowly, telltale signs that he was doing everything he could to hold back tears. 

San rested his cheek against the top of Wooyoung’s head, nuzzling his hair softly. 

“Hey, it’s okay baby. You’re okay,” he murmured. “Do you want back rubs?” He asked, knowing that always helped to settle Wooyoung down. 

The younger boy nodded as he clung tighter to San. San lifted him up easily, carrying him to the bed. He sat down against the pillows, letting Wooyoung curl up in his lap. He kept one hand entwined in Wooyoung’s soft silver locks, while the other dropped down to rub his back slowly. Wooyoung closed his eyes and seemed to immediately release the tension he’d been holding in his body. 

San continued to rub his back, feeling the soft fabric of his hoodie under his palm. Wooyoung moved his hand to rest on San’s thigh, and San sucked in a breath, forcing himself to ignore it. Wooyoung was far more important than his selfish desires. Instead, he reached down with the hand that had been in Wooyoung’s hair, and linked their fingers together, squeezing reassuringly, hoping that Wooyoung knew how much he loved him.

  
  



	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part two! Trigger warnings for mentions of eating disorder, internalized homophobia, mild self-harm and general insecurity.

It was a few days later when Wooyoung had another breakdown, for lack of a better word. It was after a show, and he was in the bathroom at the hotel, sitting on the edge of the tub naked. That’s always when it was the worst, when he could see himself fully as he is, without clothes or makeup or hair products to help disguise him. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried not to look, but it didn’t matter. He knew what his body looked like. He curled in on himself, wrapping his arms tight around his stomach as he felt the nausea rising in him. He wanted to claw at his skin. To rip it all off so he wouldn’t have to look at it anymore. He dug his fingernails into his sides as he rocked back and forth. 

Across the room, on the edge of the sink, his phone buzzed. He couldn’t bring himself to reach for it. After a few moments it stopped, but then just as quickly it started again. And then all of a sudden there was a loud clatter as the phone had vibrated itself off the sink. Wooyoung jerked alert, seeing the phone skitter across the floor, still buzzing, lit up with a photo of San making a finger heart.

Wooyoung sucked in a breath and reached for the phone, tapping “accept” with shaky fingers.

“H-hey,” he said, barely above a whisper. 

“Youngie?” came San’s soft sweet voice over the phone. “Are you there?”

Wooyoung swallowed hard. “Ye-ah, I’m here.”

He could almost hear San’s frown. “Are you okay?”

He almost answered yes, but he just couldn’t bring himself to lie anymore. Not when he was so very far from okay. He tried to respond, but all that came out was a sob.

“Where are you?” San asked, sounding concerned.

Wooyoung couldn’t bring himself to speak. The tears were winning. He sobbed again.

“I’m coming to your room,” San said, panic tingeing his voice. Wooyoung could hear a door shut, and then seconds later, heard the knock at his own door. 

“It’s open,” he whispered weakly, dropping his phone down onto the bathmat as he curled himself into a ball.

San came into the room, looking around frantically until he saw the bathroom light on. When he came into the bathroom, he immediately dropped to his knees in front of Wooyoung.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” he asked, trying to reach for Wooyoung’s hands.

Wooyoung shook his head. 

  
San pried Wooyoung’s fingers from their deathgrip on his waist, brow furrowing when he saw the red indentations that had been left behind. He squeezed Wooyoung’s hands in his own, looking up at him. Even though Wooyoung’s bangs covered most of his face, the tear tracks down his cheeks were still visible, as was the swelling of his lower lip where he’d been biting it hard. 

“Sweetheart, please talk to me,” San pleaded. 

Wooyoung took a shaky breath, finally looking up at San. 

“I hate it,” he choked out. “I hate it so much. My body… I just… I don’t want to be me anymore.”

\--

San held his breath when Wooyoung finally met his gaze. He had no idea what to expect. He’d never seen Wooyoung this upset, this broken. 

When Wooyoung finally spoke, San’s stomach fell through the floor.

He would do anything for Wooyoung. He desperately needed to make him feel better. But he didn’t know how. He didn’t know what to say. He knew that telling Wooyoung that he thought his body was perfect wouldn’t help, it would just make him feel like his feelings weren’t valid. San lifted his hands to Wooyoung’s face, cupping his cheeks.

“Baby, it’s going to be okay,” he said, feeling useless. “Please, tell me how I can help.”

Wooyoung just shook his head again. “There’s nothing you can do. You just… you wouldn’t understand…”

San sucked in a sharp breath, feeling a little hurt. He thought Wooyoung trusted him more than that. But at the same time, he could understand. He had never been fully honest or open with Wooyoung. The other didn’t have any reason to think that San could ever possibly understand the feeling of hating yourself. 

San took a deep breath. “I do, baby. I do understand. And I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I wish I could take it all away.”

Wooyoung furrowed his brow. “You’re sweet but… how could you possibly understand? Everything is so easy for you. You’re gorgeous. You’re fit and sexy and confident…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “How could you ever know what it feels like to hate your own skin?”

San’s chest tightened. The idea of opening himself up was terrifying, but the thought of Wooyoung suffering and not being able to help him was far worse. He stared down at Wooyoung’s hands, and took a slow breath. 

“I’m not as confident as you think. I’m… not really confident at all. I just act like nothing matters to me, because it’s easier than dealing with it all.”

Wooyoung narrowed his eyes, confusion written on his face.

San swallowed and continued. “Our first year of training… I didn’t eat. Like, nearly at all. Maybe a piece of fruit each day. I just… I saw how everyone else looked, and I didn’t look like that, so I stopped eating until I could be like everyone else.”

Wooyoung’s eyes were wide as San spoke, but he didn’t say anything. 

San closed his eyes. “And I… I’ve been lying to you all this whole time. Because I’m scared and I don’t want everyone to think differently of me.”

Wooyoung’s frown deepened. “Scared about what?” he asked softly.

San looked up at him, knowing that he had to say it. He couldn’t keep it from Wooyoung any longer. It wasn’t right. But he was almost paralyzed. He’d never said it out loud before. To anyone. Not even himself.

“Hyung… you can tell me anything. It won’t change how I think of you, I promise.” Wooyoung’s tears had stopped, replaced by confusion and concern written all over his features.

San swallowed the lump in his throat. “I… I’m not straight. I like boys.” He heard Wooyoung’s surprised gasp, but did his best to ignore his reaction and just continue on. “But I spent so long denying it and hating myself that… Now it’s hard to even think about.” Once he started talking, it got easier, and words spilled out. “I know it’s not a bad thing. I know it’s okay to be gay and it’s not a sin, but I just… I don’t know how to let myself just be who I am. I don’t think I’ve ever in my life actually just… been myself.”

Wooyoung lifted his hands to entwine with San’s again, holding them to his bare chest. 

“Oh, San. I had no idea. I’m so sorry--”

San cut him off with a shake of his head. “No, there’s nothing to apologize for. I kept it all to myself because I was scared and weak. I just… I wanted you to know. So you know that I get it. I really do.”

Wooyoung bowed his head, squeezing his eyes shut. “You’re not weak. You’re so very strong. You’ve been struggling all alone with no one to help, and you’ve been helping me all this time. You’ve saved my life more times than you can possibly know.”

San’s breath hitched in his throat. “Wooyoung, you’ve saved mine. You’ve given me a purpose in life. Taking care of you is a privilege. It means the world to me that you let me in, that you let me see all of you. I’m sorry I haven’t done the same.”

Wooyoung looked up again. “But you have, now. You’ve opened up to me, and I know how hard that must have been. I want you to know how much that means, and how I will never, ever, betray your trust. Let me take care of you too, please?” he asked, with so much earnestness in his voice that San could almost cry. 

He nodded slowly, squeezing Wooyoung’s hands. “Okay,” he murmured. 

Wooyoung finally smiled, lifting San’s hands and pressing a soft kiss to them.

“You’re amazing,” he said quietly.

San smiled in return and leaned in to kiss Wooyoung’s forehead. “You are too.”

Wooyoung suddenly started laughing, and for a moment San was concerned, until Wooyoung spoke.

“I’m naked,” he said simply.

“I know,” San answered, his cheeks flushing.

Wooyoung laughed, his eyes crinkling.

“I was gonna take a bath before all this. Do you want to join..?” He gestured at the tub.

“Of course,” San said, smiling softly.

Wooyoung reached back to turn on the water, and San stood up, stripping off his shirt. He waited until the tub filled up more, and then slipped off his pants. He reached out to help Wooyoung into the bath, and then slipped in behind him, pulling the smaller boy back against his chest. Wooyoung hummed happily, settling into San’s lap with his head resting back against his chest, his eyes closed. San ran his fingers through Wooyoung’s hair gently.

“I love you,” he murmured after a few moments of comfortable silence.

Wooyoung glances up at him, eyes soft and a little bit sleepy.

“I love you too,” he hummed, then leaned back to peck a sweet kiss to San’s cheek. San hugged him close, burying his face in Wooyoung’s hair.

Even though he still hasn’t been fully honest with the boy, at least he’d been able to make him happy for now. And that was all that mattered, really. That could be enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shhhh there's gonna be an epilogue.


	3. Epilogue

Everyone got together to get Wooyoung a cake for his birthday. They surprised him after rehearsal, singing loudly and raucously, and he was grinning ear to ear by the time it came to blow out the candles. As he took a deep breath, he looked up, searching the faces of his group mates until he settled on San. He held his gaze while he breathed in, and blew on the candles—thankfully they were number candles so there were just two rather than twenty—and then smiled softly at the older boy across the table from him.

After the celebrations ended, Wooyoung returned to his room, still feeling soft and warm from all the attention and love he’d gotten from his groupmates. Not a minute had gone past after he’d shut his door before he heard a familiar knock. He smiled to himself as he went to open it.

“Hi,” he hummed when he saw San standing there.

“Hi,” San responded, with that sweet smile he always had.

Wooyoung stepped back to allow the older boy into the room. As he did, he saw that San was carrying a pink gift bag, filled with glittery tissue paper. He bit his lip, looking down.

“You didn’t have to,” he murmured, but San just shook his head.

“Of course I did,” he said. He held out the bag to Wooyoung. “Open it, please?”

Wooyoung couldn’t help but smile softly. He took the bag and went to sit on his bed, leaving space for San to join him. He slowly removed the paper and reached inside. He didn’t know what to expect, so he was surprised when his hand met soft fabric. He pulled it out carefully, and then unfolded a pale pink cropped hoodie and a white high waisted skirt made of the same soft sweatshirt material. He blinked a few times as tears started to well up in his eyes. 

“I love them,” he whispered, his voice cracking. 

San reached out to cup his cheek, brushing away a tear with his thumb.

“Try them on for me?” he asked. “I know you’re gonna look so pretty.”

Wooyung nodded and stood up, taking the clothes to the bathroom to change. Once in the bathroom, he stripped out of his clothes, careful not to catch sight of himself in the full length mirror. He changed into the clothes San had given him, amazed at how perfectly they fit. The sleeves of the hoodie covered his palms, and the hem fell a couple inches before the waistband of the skirt, exposing the area above his belly button. He reached for his makeup bag to put on some jelly eye shadow in the same color as the hoodie, and a sparkly lip gloss. Then he finally turned towards the mirror. 

His breath hitched in his throat as he saw his reflection. The skirt hugged his hips perfectly, with the waistband cinching his slender waist. The hoodie was plush and thick, giving him the illusion of curves. If only his hair was longer… He shook his head, physically trying to banish those kind of thoughts. Today was a good day. Today he looked pretty, and it was all thanks to San, who he couldn’t wait to show off the outfit to.

He took a deep breath and then opened the bathroom door, stepping out into the room.

San looked up when he heard the door open, and the expression on his face was worth everything to Wooyoung. If he was letting himself have any sort of hope, he would call the look adoration. 

He bit his lip shyly.

“Well?” he asked, anxiously twisting his sleeves in his hands.

San stood up from the bed. “You look amazing,” he said breathlessly, crossing the room to stand in front of Wooyoung. 

The younger boy felt his cheeks heat up with a blush. “Thank you,” he murmured appreciatively. 

San reached for Wooyoung’s hands to take them in his own. “Happy birthday, baby,” he said softly. “I hope it was a good one.”

Wooyoung nodded. “The best,” he said, honestly. 

San squeezed his hands, still smiling fondly. “What did you wish for?” he asked.

Wooyoung sucked in a breath. Well, it was now or never, right? He asked himself. He tightened his grip on San’s hands and looked up at him with wide, vulnerable eyes. When he finally spoke, his voice was barely a whisper, filled with too much emotion.

“You,” he said simply. 

\--

It took San a moment to register what Wooyoung had said. It took even longer for him to realize that it hadn’t been in his head, and that his wishful fantasy had just… actually come true. His throat burned with emotion, his eyes suddenly watery as he realized what was happening.

“Baby,” he breathed out. “I’m yours.”

He could see Wooyoung let out the breath he’d been holding, and then all of a sudden the other had launched himself into San’s arms, burying his face in his chest. San wrapped his arms tightly around the smaller body, hugging him impossibly close as he buried his face in his hair.

They held onto each other for what felt like an eternity before Wooyoung finally raised his head. His makeup was smudged from his tears and from having his face pressed against San’s shirt, but he still looked absolutely beautiful. 

“I don’t deserve you,” Wooyoung said, emotion still tingeing his voice. “You’re too sweet. Too pure. I’m gonna bring you down. It’s not fair. My shit is going to be too much for you--”

San cut off his babbling by leaning down and capturing his plump lips in the sweetest kiss possible. 

“You could never be too much for me, angel,” he murmured against the other’s lips. He ran his fingers through Wooyoung’s soft hair, and then cupped his cheek, making sure the other boy looked him in the eye before he continued. “You’re what I’ve been looking for my whole life,” he said. “You’re exactly enough.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeeeee I hope that was satisfying fdhgkjdh. This ended up longer than I expected! Thank you to everyone who has been reading and everyone who left kudos. I appreciate you very much!


End file.
